A Must-Read Novel: Nickels: A Tale of Dissociation by Christine Stark

 

Little Miss So-and-So experiences things she could not possibly understand.  She lives in the world of her mind, imagining and defining the unspeakable acts done to her by those whose job it is to protect her, in the best way she knows how.  She concocts characters, explanations, stories, plans that explain, describe, depict, color and sound out her life in ways that she as a young child can deal with, be comfortable with, find references to and interact with the world around her.  It becomes confusing and convoluted, but it is her world, where she feels safe, where she protects herself and buries the pain away.  Eventually it all gets uncovered and comes to surface.  This story threads its way through Miss So-and-So’s depiction of life.

This book was amazing.  The style in which it was written(prose poems), the language, how empowering it was, how endearing the characters were, how real and frustrating the plot was.  This book will move you.  It may be tough to get into at first, just because it is very different and you have to get into the flow and rhythm of it, but once you do it will be a riveting ride.  This story is a powerful read that everyone over the age of 18 should read.  It touches on some very important issues in modern society and it not only touches, it nourishes, it questions and it answers.  It’s amazing to me how full of life and active this story is and its the characters.

Most of all, I think this story will give hope to anyone.  It will piss you off because you know these kinds of things are happening, but it will also give you hope.  It is not all doom and gloom, it is actually very entertaining, very beautiful and enlightening, but there’s absolutely no sugar-coating and the author did not shy away from anything or show any fear.  You will swear this is a true story, but author Christine Stark (www.ChristineStark.com) admits that while some characteristics of Miss So and So are similar to her own, the character and story are fiction.

It’s difficult to get into the specifics of this book because you will WANT to and you MUST read it…but I will recommend this book 100%.  This is the best book I’ve read in years, hands down.  I couldn’t put it down and when it was over I was sad and wanted MORE!  This book is artistic, and unique and funny and touching and it makes a difference.  All I can say is buy this book especially if you care about feminism, sexual abuse, child abuse, addiction, multi-culturalism, art and creative expression, GLBTT community, poverty, mental health. If you care about people and don’t want to close your ears and eyes to the truth…if you care about healing and how much people suffer in silence, read this book!

Most importantly, if you want to be a writer, or you want to sustain yourself as a writer, you have to read good writing, and that is what this is.  It is original, authentic muse-worthy creative expression.  As creative people we have to be a part of the movement we want to succeed in.  Recommend this book to therapists, counselors, health care workers, teachers, activists, healers, social workers, and artists. Check out other reviews of this book and others in the series at the link below:

http://www.amazon.com/Nickels-dissociation-Reflections-America-Series/dp/1615990852

This book is largely about sexual abuse, so it could be triggering for some.

I received this book to review for free.  However I read it and couldn’t put it down and decided to share my honest opinion on this book for the sake of art. 

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• Dyskinesia, Dissociation, and the Long Term Consequences of “Antipsychotic” Drugs (madinamerica.com)
• Integration from DID: Giving Up Dissociation (faithallen.wordpress.com)

Do You Schedule Creative Time?

A man and a woman performing a modern dance. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

I used to wake up first thing in the morning, walk outside or sit by a window and write.  At other times I’d wake up and start dancing, breathing, meditating to release tension and expand my intuition.  There have even been times when I’d immediately go get on the piano or keyboard after school or before bed, and on weekends when I first woke-up.

Nowadays I try to remember that Wednesdays are for writing and that I want to go on duotrope and zoetrope on Tuesdays and Thursdays…but when I get creative is really up in the air.

If I can’t get to sleep at night I usually remember to open a document on my computer entitled “too tired to sleep”…I also have a document called “morning journal” that I intend to write in before I start working in the mornings.

I have lots of creative ideas and they remain lodged in tension spots along my spine.  If I reach up high in the kitchen I remember that story I wanted to write…if I bend down to look under the bed I remember a song I wanted to sing… but when do I actually do these things?

I know I need an accountability partner or 10.  I know I need to schedule in some time to not only get creative, but to go back to my creative projects and bring them forward, to keep working with them.  I feel myself becoming a non-dancer and I need to challenge myself.  A non-writer and I need to submit myself…a non-musician and I need to make some damn music, I need to do some acting too.  Strangely enough I’ve been very visually artistic this year, probably my most lack-luster artistic quality, except when it comes to textiles, paper and multi-media typed sculpture.  This year I’ve been painting though, on the computer.  Which is something I had to completely teach myself from scratch, because I’d never done it before.  I thought I’d be able to make my little numerology charts by hand and upload them to the scanner but I didn’t know the scanner didn’t work.  So I’d advertised myself and taken orders and I needed the money, so I learned!

It seems I may have found my answer to my other artistic challenges right there.  Maybe I need to find a way of doing these creative ventures in ways I haven’t before.  Find a new technique, technology or medium to express my artistic side…and worst of all, I need to put it out there that I’m doing this and have people hold me to it, so that I just learn…just do it.

hmmm….I’m thoroughly exhilarated by this idea and I’d love to have anyone else join me.  Have you fallen behind in your craft, or has your craft fallen by the wayside?  Do you want to challenge yourself and really have a breakthrough?  Do you want to cultivate an authentic sense of creativity and begin a consistent habit of expressing your creativity?

If so, join me in testing the waters on the other side of the artistic pond.  What do you usually do?  How can you make it different?  Maybe you need someone to throw some ideas at you and help you take a new direction…I know I could use some ideas.

I have at some point in my life called myself:

• a dancer- I’ve taken ballet, tap, jazz and several traditional dance styles.  I’ve taught yogic dance and I’ve taught ballet, tap, hip hop to children.  I use dance to release energetic blocks and trauma and to spark intuition and creativity.  I have a fascination with tribal dance and watching a good performance can easily bring me to tears, especially modern and lyrical.

• a writer/poet-  I’ve written song lyrics, poetry, fiction, nonfiction, mantras, affirmations, speeches, and all forms of journalism, reviews, blogs, copy, etc.  I’ve been published in a few literary zines and my fiction almost always starts in my dreams.  I have a fascination with languages and studied linguistics, literacy studies and creative writing.  I’ve also written plays and monologues.   I can truly get caught up in the written word.  My favorite poets are e.e. cummings, maxine kumin, joy harjo, laure-anne bosselaar, saul williams, pablo neruda.

• an actor-  I’ve been in a few plays, been cast for a couple sitcoms and I have gotten good feedback from many auditions.  I haven’t done a ton of formal acting, but I have continuously kept up with several acting games, which I’ve played with children, and I have kept up a couple of monologues, as well as creating my own characters and acting them out.  I first started acting in middle school, did a little bit in high school and a little bit after college.   I have a great idea that I want to put into being.  Children’s show-style.  I could do children’s parties or events or I could record videos.   I’m not afraid of rejection, I just think it’s time I actually start making progress with this idea to feel it out.

• an artist- I’m no great artist, but I’ve been satisfied with and gotten good feedback from others in regards to the art I’ve done.  My mom was a very crafty person when I was a child and I helped her make a lot of the crafts she made.  I’m more crafty than artsy probably, but there are some things I’m really into and I have artistic taste.  I have done henna tattoos, intuitive art(charts and cards), knitting, sewing(my own designs), and I like making tiny art with found objects and painting.  I also like to make kinetic sculpture and other odd forms of sculpture.  I have had a dream since high school of being an avant garde performance artist.  Someday it will happen.
• a musician-  I’ve been in choirs since I was a small thang. (that’s what “they” called me)  I also taught myself keys/piano.  Between the ages of 13 and 17 I wrote way over 1000 songs.  I had two huge binders and a few folders to hold all that.  I used music to heal myself.  After college, I got into Kundalini yoga and fell in love with yogic chanting.  I learned the guitar and started making my own songs on the guitar too.  I’ve done a lot of jamming, a little bit of recording and a good bit of performing on the streets(most fun in my life ever).  I want to get a guitar and make music again.  Full songs this time.

Now I know this is a lot for one person, but I don’t have any expectations.  I don’t need to be successful at these things, I just need to do them.  There is something missing in my life, when I am not engaging and expressing in creativity, sonically, visually, communicably, textually and physically.  So…somehow I’m going to thread these artistic devices into my life.  I don’t know how, maybe you can help me with that?!  (I hope someone can.)

I hope you return with ideas or a challenge for yourself because I’m going to do some thinking on this and come back with a plan or at least a draft for a plan.

~Feather Story

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How My Next Story Came To Me…

Sacramento , California, USA – 2000 – Patrick Nouhailler © (Photo credit: Nouhailler)

Last week, my dream, where I was watching a documentary in Sacramento, probably at the house I used to live in. The subject was a musician in the area and his name was Caix. He was talking about why he picked certain songs and how he felt about being a musician and it really vibed with me.

I became somewhat lucid and decided to go find him in real life, in the dream. I found him downtown with Heather. We began to talk and became a couple over a long period of time. We traveled and had adult daughters on a big ship.

I remember looking into my daughters eyes long and hard. I recognized my daughters, I knew them deeply and this feeling of intensity, this big thing my daughter was doing struck a major chord. I want to write about this feeling…the scenery was and still is very vivid.

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I Just Painted…

Ubuntu 5.04 + GIMP + Inkscape (Photo credit: Nano Taboada)

Becoming more creative is extremely helpful for stress release. Sometimes I find myself sitting around late at night unable to sleep. Often I want to write, but my writer’s brain is quite picky and if I’m tired I’m usually too tired for verbal expression and I can’t just write…I’ll constantly ‘backspace’ when the words are too dull and unemotional. I can’t stand to go back to my writing and see “nothing”.

Anyway, I recently decided to free paint on the computer paint program. I ended up really inspired by the process and created something that really made a statement about my worldview at the time. My grandmother just died and I ended up creating a loose silhouette of a tree, with emphasis on its roots and a mother…my grandmother standing on the other side of the page. I didn’t know what I was creating, I just made images. I made beautiful hair, like I’ve never made it before and moved down to create a body. I loved playing with the colors and spent a good 10 minutes going back and forth between colors. I would say I’m not done…

*and this was no work of art, but it was just what I needed and I love looking at it.*

Sometimes the point of creativity is to just express, however it flows.

(the next day I did more writing and editing poetry than I have in months, I see a direct link)

How do you release creative blocks? If you’re feeling stuck or restless, perhaps try to create in a way massively different from your norm, do art that you’re not necessarily good at, just for the sake of expressing yourself. No judgement, no rules, just flow…

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Creative Initiative

My goal for myself is to go through all the ideas I’ve that are still just ideas. The ideas that floored me, excited me, that I dreamed about but never brought to fruition. Sometimes they felt too big, too complicated, too much work…but nevertheless, I realize I was gifted with some amazing ideas, like we all are… and it’s important to just try them on and see how they fit. With no expectations I’m going to revive all my neglected dreams and see where they take me.

To make it a bit more tangible, I’m going to write out the ideas I remember:

• A children’s modern fairy poem that I’ve already written a good draft of, but haven’t added anything to it in like 3 years!  It’s called Eternaday.

• A poetry/monologue chapbook about connecting to ancestors while traveling through Florida.  I need to get all the poems together and write the pieces to thread them together.

• I want to dance to my favorite album called “A Will To Death”. Everytime I hear that album it takes me back to the time I fell in love with it and I was so sick that I imagined all this choreography in my head that I wanted to do.  It’s still there 2 years later.

• I have a few Sci-fi/fantasy stories that I need to 2nd draft.

• I want to record some of my favorite poems as well as a background of yogic chanting and acoustic guitar work.

This is a lazy list.  I’m sure if it wasn’t 4am I could think of more… the list is ongoing.

Song Of The Day!

 

 

Numerology Charts, Intuitive Art

L'icona di Easy Numerology (Photo credit: OmarCaf)

Some years ago I spent some time in Asheville, North Carolina.  I was camping in the mountains, street performing and spending lots of time in the parks and in the city learning and growing socially and spiritually.  Before Asheville I spent a few months in Florida doing the same thing, except the street performing.  In Florida I sang and danced for the ocean, for nature; in the everglades and such.

I picked up this habit of making my art very spiritual.  Of allowing spirituality to flow through my creativity.  I was drawing mandalas at the time of the different chakras, the yogic bodies and various other symbols and intuiting the connections of my environment through this spiritual art.

I devised a sort of method to help me interpret the intuitive messages I received and to help me express what I felt about the sensations I experienced.  At this time I was deep in self-initiation because I was frustrated at not having a teacher and wanting validation for the outrageous creative and spiritual input I had received throughout my life that I had few avenues to express.  I dove deeply into dreaming once again, as for me, my spiritual direction always leads back to the dream world, and through my dreams I received guidance and saw it playing out in waking reality as well.

During this time I started making numerology charts using symbolism, affirmations and art based on the yogic bodies and chakras.  I first made them on index cards.  Recently I posted that I wanted to do the charts for people for money.

Image via Wikipedia

I know this is a kinda unique thing for several reasons.  The numerology itself is rare (yogic/tantric numerology).  The artistic aspect of it is even more unique.  I like to do them with my hand, but I can’t use the scanner I have here so I started working with the computer paint program.

I found that I got a bunch of orders and I was doing the charts everyday for awhile.  I found that I really loved doing the charts, as I did when I was doing them by hand, and that it improved my mental balance and my creative inspiration in other forms of artistic expression.  I felt very nervous at first to hand them over to people because I was saying that I would do them pretty fast, where as on paper, I would spend a lot of time making them…I was making them for myself and it was healing…that was the purpose.

Now that I said I would do them for people and send them out I had to at some point decide they were done.  I had to throw perfection out the window.  So I have gotten really into doing these charts and I have changed the way I do them over and over again since I started doing them for profit.  Still I know I need to make them more efficient.  Some of the people I send the charts to need a lot of basic information, others need more in depth info.

In the next month there are several birthdays coming up so I plan on making the charts as gifts for the people around me, and I think I’d like to commit to making one a day, 5 days a week, even if I don’t have an order.  Even if I’m just working on my own chart or someone else’s that won’t actually receive it.  I’m so glad I put myself out there to do these charts for people because I have learned a lot about how to make art for people and how to do work that is healing to my psyche.

spirituality (Photo credit: Loulair Harton)

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Hide and Seeking…

Image via Wikipedia

Since I left my old life behind, I’ve been writing a lot and doing a lot of intuitive art. I’ve also made up several meditations and infused my meditative practice with some extra creative aspects.

I’ve written 15 pages of journals and I’ve re-written and edited some of the old poetry I found from my emails. I have a couple of notebooks with most of my stories in them, and I have started a new story. I’m working on editing some poetry to submit this month and a children’s story.

I’m also planning to record myself reading poetry and create a puppet show with my daughter. I plan to get a guitar and start dancing again this month.

I’ve been listening to yogic music from Spiritual Voyage, Chelsea Wolfe, Jen Wood, music from local musicians and Imogen Heap.

I’m also on Zoetrope reading and soon critiquing in the poetry department. That is where I am creatively at this moment.

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The Boy Who Cried Roots

Reblogged from BUMS LOGIC:

• 

The Roots' Ahmir "?uestlove" Thompson and Tariq "Black Thought" Trotter. Photo by Chago Akii-bua.

At some point, “The new Roots album is really good” became a cliché we’ve been taking for granted since the release of their fourth album, things fall apart, in 1999. They’ve since dropped six more gems, some better than others, but all so consistent and at times stunning in their quality that we’ve just become immune, desensitized, and unappreciative.

Read more… 1,120 more words

Real art should be fed...

Halting Creativity Block

I left my home. I left behind several instruments, several notebooks, my favorite inspirational books, I brought with me almost nothing.

I long to touch the strings of the guitar, to bang on my little hand drum, to flip through my notebooks with frustration, contemplate documents, paintings and pictures on my computer…but I cannot. Those things are on the other side of the country.

What I can do is write a lot more… get some music on the computer and do a lot of dancing…and discover something new. I can’t afford to not be creative.

Luckily I brought my intuition book and one very small folder of writings, and of course, I brought my dreams. Here’s to a new way to be.